My Dearest Son,
I am so sorry for what I have done. I pray that someday you can forgive me for the actions of a lonely desperate woman. In my heart though I know if I were in your shoes no such forgiveness would be granted. My only excuse is that before you were even mine I loved you beyond all reason. I only wish that I had shown you the level of affection that you deserved. Let’s start at the beginning shall we?
You’re real name is Anthony Daniel Bond, and you have an older brother James Edward who adores you. The look on his face when he discovered that he would not be coming to America will haunt me to my grave. I was there the day that you were born, and I saw the excitement on his face when he heard that you were partly his. In fact it was he that named you. I watched as he dotted on you, and made you the center of his world.
I know that I should have taken him in too, or left you behind. The man you call father Anthony DiNozzo though wanted nothing of a child born of another man whose personality was already set. That should have set off the warning bells in my head, but I wanted you too much to listen to reason. Without Anthony I would not have been able to get you, and it never occurred to me that possibly leaving you in another’s care with your flesh and blood sibling might be for the best.
James’ mother, your true mother, Monique was my best friend. She was so excited about your arrival. Her death devastated me, and as much as I wanted you, I also wanted a piece of her with me for the rest of my life. I am ashamed to say that no one else’s welfare came to my mind.
When your parents died James clung to you endlessly for days. When he found out that Anthony and I were going to America, he lifted his little chin and said that things would work out. When he found out that he wasn’t coming, he cried and begged and pleaded. The sound of his cries haunts my dreams.
I don’t expect to be alive on the day that you receive this letter. The doctors have not given me much longer to live, and I no longer have the will to continue. My greatest sin will be having drug you away from someone who worshipped you, only to give up when you need me the most. I simply have no will to remain with the monster who calls himself your father.
I regret the life that I have brought you into. I regret many things. Please know always that my only desire was to love you, and I have done so, and will do so until my last dying breath and beyond. I wish I had the fire and the passion that I see in your eyes. You remind me so of your mother, which is fitting because I always believed your brother to be a miniature version of your father Andrew.
Along with this letter my solicitor will have information for you about your brother James, and your true family. There will also be paperwork on your dual citizenship. It is something I have no doubt that Anthony will never mention to you, and I have thus far been too cowardly to bring up.
I pray that you survive long enough to get this. I have done my best to ensure that the monster Anthony DiNozzo knows nothing about this communication or the money that comes with it. The only good thing I might have done in this whole situation may be to make sure that, that bastard never knows of any of the money I received from your mother.
I can only hope that you do not fall in footsteps of that monster I married, but instead you become your own man. Live, love, and more than anything go seek the man that I tore you from. I know in my heart that he will continue to love you long beyond my death.
Please, my son, I pray that someday you will find a place in your heart to forgive me for the things that I did. Think kindly of me if you can, and if not remember that while selfish I only wished to love you. That at least I have done. For the time that I was able to call you mine, I loved you as much as I was able. I just wish I had the strength to love you as much as you deserved.
I will love you always.
Your Mother in my heart,
Taking a deep breath, Tony put the letter back into his suit coat pocket. He had no idea what to think of the woman that he’d always called mother. While she’d spent a great majority of his time with her inebriated, she had at least always made him feel loved. Reading the letter had just been another blow in a long line of devastation at the hands of the people who’d called themselves his parents.
Hearing his flight called, Tony stood and flung two bags over his shoulder. Looking down, he smiled at the blond headed, blue eyed boy who was the joy of his life.
“Papà is it time to get on the plane and go across the water?”
Smiling softly he nodded and took the child’s hand. “Yes, TJ. It’s time to go and find your Uncle James, and leave this country behind.”
Determined the two walked toward the gate. Tony felt no doubt at all about abandoning all that lay in tatters behind him. They’d made their beds. He no longer cared enough to even be upset. It simply was what it was.
The last legal act he’d done before leaving the country was to change his name and leave Anthony DiNozzo Jr. behind. Abby and Ziva could just have the old and washed up conman if they wanted him so badly. From now on he was Anthony Daniel Bond, and his son Tristan James Bond. Never would that disgrace of a man have influence over his life again.