Banner by me
Characters this chapter:Tony DiNozzo, Abby Sciuto, Ziva David, Spencer Reid, Will LaMontagne,
Relationships this chapter: Tony DiNozzo/Spencer Reid
Chapter Warnings:Anti-Ziva, Anti-Abby,
Word Count: 4,644/112,298
Chapter Summery: Tony has a final say with both Ziva and Abby ending their part in his life. He and Spencer discuss the possibility of a relationship that wouldn’t involve sex between them, and later they share intimacy their way.
Chapter Notes: OK, so I think I need to explain how the jumping timeline in this story is going to work better. While the timeline is jumping, it is also revisiting aspects of the story multiple times until it is done. This means that you won’t get all of the answers to a part of the story in one shot in most cases, but I will come back to most things until I am satisfied that something has been resolved in my mind.
Something else I want to stress is that this isn’t a story about the NCIS cast. While most of them do make appearances, there won’t be any insight into how Gibbs feels about something, or what is going through Abby’s mind in this chapter for instance. The story is about Tony first, and then about the Tony/Spencer/Brian relationship. The only POVs you will other than Tony’s are Spencer and Brian’s mostly unless I think its necessary to explain something.
Lastly, my DiNozzo is a huge potty mouth when he gets mad. I am sorry for that, but I doubt that it will change.
Chapter Three: A Reality Check, A First Kiss, The End of a Friendship, and a Light in the Darkness
~~*NCIS/BAU January 2011*~~ * ~~A Reality Check*~~
Tony stared at Ziva angrily through the plexiglass separating them. The woman was glaring at him like she thought that he would be intimidated by her somehow. It would have been comical if Tony wasn’t so torn up inside by this decision to get in one final say. If he hadn’t been intimidated by Ziva when there was nothing between them but air, why in the hell would he be afraid of her now that she was safely behind bars? “This isn’t about you, and I have no interest in what you have to say. So you might as well keep your mouth shut.” Tony advised watching the angry woman gritting her teeth at him. When she went to speak, he made sure to cut her off. He truly had no need to hear anything that would come out of her mouth.
“You know, I would love to say I don’t hate you, but it would be a huge lie. I am not sure I have ever hated anyone more than I hate you. But, along with that I pity you. I pity you because while my father just didn’t give a fuck about my existence, yours sees you as a fucking tool. You can throw in my face the whole part about Senior being a murdering asshole, but let’s be honest. Yours doesn’t have any room to talk in that area either.
“Honestly, this has nothing to do with your father, or mine. We’re both grownups. We’re both capable of making choices on our own. Yeah, maybe we had fucked up childhoods, but I certainly am not willing to blame my weak points on that. I think the big difference between us, Ziva, is that frankly I give a shit about people in general. You on the other hand… I don’t think you even care about yourself, and you certainly don’t care about anyone else.
“You are so goddamned cold hearted that you haven’t the first clue on how to REALLY emotionally connect to another human being. You think you’re some kind of femme fatale. You seem to have thrived the last few years on the impression that I am deeply madly in love with you. I’d rather kiss a carp. The truth is you’re just a cold fish who’s about as attractive as a dead trout that’s been laying in the sun for two days. Physically you may be beautiful. Hell, I suppose that at one time I thought you were sexy, but your personality makes you so fucking ugly. You’re like that thing that scares little kids on sight.”
Tony sat back in his chair, and watched the rage on her face. He supposed that at one time he would have cared that she was upset. It was telling though that he no longer felt anything. No fear of retribution, no return anger, no pleasure at her circumstances. It was just the emptiness of knowing you’d finally gotten past a horrible situation.
“You’re fucking pathetic. You had so many opportunities to learn and grow, not just as an agent, but as a human being. Instead you threw them all away by sticking your head in the sand insisting that your precious Mossad was the be all that end all. You’re so goddamned miserable that you gain joy in ruining other people’s lives, and that has got to be one of the most pathetic things in existence. I hate to break it to you, but normal people, well adjusted people don’t do that.
“You took a team that was a happy family suffering through the death of a loved one, and you destroyed it just because you could. You act like you’re some hot shit, but the fact is you are about the worst NCIS agent in the history of the business. As far as I am concerned you are as guilty of Kate’s death as your brother was. You may not have pulled the trigger, but you gave him those files. You told him who was more vulnerable. You left him to do his bidding instead of having him sent back home when he got out of control. You didn’t kill him to save Gibbs. You killed him because you saw a chance to get in with Gibbs. Ari was as good as dead anyway. It was just a matter of who was gonna do the deed.
“You act like my years as a cop are meaningless, and your years as a fucking assassin are all that count. Yet the job we do every fucking day isn’t about killing people. It’s about saving them. It’s about the mother who lost her son, the daughter who lost her father, or the man who lost his fiance. You have no fucking clue how to relate to real, normal people. You have no idea how to sympathize with someone who is experiencing the worst possible moment of their life, because you you can’t see past yourself. You don’t care about their pain, so you can’t possibly empathize with it.
“You think you’re fucking privileged, and that the rules shouldn’t apply to you. You acted like I was some buffoon, like I wasn’t worthy to even kiss your goddamned feet. You acted like you were somehow superior to me, and that your ways were so much better than mine. Well Princess, here you sit, you worthless bitch, in a cell waiting to be sentenced for treason among other things. You’re not only going to jail, but you’re going to die there. That is if you aren’t killed for your actions.
“You know I am not a religious person. I’ve seen and experienced too much crap in my life to believe that some mythical God exists, but for you… for you I hope it does. I hope that all that shit that gets spewed on Sunday is true, because if it is… you’re gonna BURN for all eternity. You’re a horrible person, and I hope every sentence they wrote in the bible is true because I want you to suffer not only for the rest of your life, but for all of your afterlife as well.
“Fuck you, Ziva. Fuck you to hell, and I hope from here on out it’s a damned painful journey.” Hanging up his receiver before she could speak, Tony stood and walked out of the room. Invisible wounds in his heart were reopened and bleeding at the thought that Kate was dead, and that… thing back there was alive.
~~*BAU New Year’s Eve 2010*~~ * ~~*A First Kiss*~~
Tony was walking around his apartment making sure everything was in place. Spencer was coming over for a private New Year’s Eve party for two. Tony had the steaks marinating on the counter. The shrimp was peeled and deveined, and ready for the boil. He had crusty bread, and the stuff for chop salad rounds all ready to go. A hash brown casserole was in the freezer, and waiting to pop into the oven. A bottle of Prisoner was chilling, and desert was in the refrigerator. A triple chocolate cheesecake that he hoped Spencer loved.
He’d picked out the perfect movies for a romantic evening at home, and had them sitting ready by the DVR. The couch had several fluffy pillows, and a patchwork quilt that he’d gotten from Jackson Gibbs was thrown over the back to snuggle under later. The air popcorn maker was ready to go when they wanted a snack, and the bed had fresh sheets. While they may not be having sex that didn’t mean that they weren’t going to cuddle together as they slept.
Spencer had been very clear that he was looking forward to kissing. Tony was absolutely not going to disappoint him. He was still trying to figure out this no-sex, but not really platonic relationship thing. So, whatever Spencer wanted, Spencer was going to get until Tony felt like he was standing on comfortable ground again. Not to mention that Tony loved kissing himself, so it was truly no hardship.
When he heard a knock on the door, Tony hurried over, and opening it was happy to see Spencer on the other side. When the other man lifted a hand and waved, Tony couldn’t help but grin and chuckle. “Seriously, I love it when you do that,” Tony admitted reaching out, and when Spencer gave him his hand, he pulled him into the apartment, and his arms.
“Hello, Doctor Reid. It was nice you could join me for an exclusive New Year’s Eve Festivity.”
Spencer smiled shyly, and tucked some hair behind his hear. “Umm, hello. Thank you for inviting me. I am looking forward to this evening. Will we be kissing finally? I have very much been looking forward to that.”
“We can kiss anytime you would like when we aren’t at work,” Tony promised. No sooner had the words passed his lips, then he found the genius diving in eagerly.
Deciding that it would work out best if he led, Tony took charge of the situation, putting one hand on the small of Spencer’s back, and the other on the back of his neck pulling him as close as possible. Tilting his head to one side, Tony let himself relax and deepened the kiss when Spencer’s arms crept around him and tightened.
When Spencer finally pulled back, Tony couldn’t help but grin, and didn’t let him go far. Resting his forehead on Spencer’s, Tony let a hand run up and down Reid’s back, as he listened to the genius breathe heavily while he tried to catch his breath. “That was… enjoyable. I believe I would like to do that again. Although I do not believe that it changed my opinion on anything beyond that. I still do not have an interest in participating in sexual intercourse.”
Smiling, Tony kissed the tip of Spencer’s nose then pulled back out of the embrace. Making sure they still held hands though, Tony lead him through to the couch so that they could sit and talk. “We don’t ever have to do more than kissing if you want. I have cuddling on the list tonight. I thought you might be agreeable to that, although we don’t have to if you don’t want to. This isn’t some twisted ‘I can change his mind’ scheme on my part. I enjoy being with you. Frankly so far I feel closer to you than I have anyone other than… well one other person whom I don’t want to ruin the evening by discussing.”
When Spencer nodded chewing on his lip, Tony began running his thumbs up and down on their clasped hands. “If you change your mind at some point, Spence, it’s cool. I don’t expect you to, and I am not holding out some secret dark hope that you’ll change your mind. Our relationship is ours, and no one else’s. I am not interested in conforming our lives to anyone’s. But, I understand if JJ is changing your mind.”
Spencer’s eyes got big, but he shook his hand. “How did you… Never mind that is a stupid question. Of course you would guess. You are a very good investigator, and she isn’t exactly subtle. JJ is my best friend, but… I am not going to let her ruin this for me. I am holding out hope that she will come around, but… if she doesn’t then I suppose it is her loss.”
When Spencer’s tummy rumbled, Tony laughed and stood. “Let’s get dinner started before you starve.” When Spencer nodded eagerly, Tony gave him another quick peck, then led him to the kitchen to begin cooking.
Later the two lay wrapped together on the couch watching Le Notti Bianche, a 1957 black and white classic from Italy. He had been thrilled that he could share his Italian Romances with his boyfriend. They’d settled on the word boyfriend over dinner. They’d both agreed it was the option that best fit at that moment.
Tony was lying stretched out along the back of the couch on his side, with Spencer bundled up in front of him. Tony’s arms were wrapped around the slighter man with one around his waist, and the other across his shoulders from underneath. Reid had twisted their legs together. Every so often, Tony found himself pressing a kiss into his hair, or Reid would rub his cheek against Tony’s arm. He couldn’t help but find the action as anything but cute.
When the movie ended, Tony looked at the clock to see that it was about a quarter after midnight. “We missed midnight.”
Spencer shrugged and rolled over to look at Tony. “Fifteen minutes and thirty seven seconds ago. The movie was just getting to the good part! I didn’t want to stop it for something that we will experience again.”
When Tony grinned big and beautiful at him. Spencer knew he’d said something right. “Happy New Year, Tony. I… I look forward to spending the next year with you, Anthony DiNozzo.”
Closing his eyes, Tony rested his forehead against Spencer’s breathing in his scent for a moment. “Happy New Year, Doctor Reid. I look forward to spending much, much longer than that with you.” Smiling happily, Spencer closed his eyes, resting his cheek against the other man’s chest thinking this was the best New Year’s Eve party ever.
~~*NCIS/BAU January 2011*~~ * ~~*The End of a Friendship*~~
Tony stood in front of his building staring at the irate woman in front of him. He tried to remember what he’d loved about her, but it seemed like nothing was left of that woman. For just about 3 months he’d been trying to ignore the emails, the phone calls, the text messages that had grown more and more harassing and disturbing. When she’d sent information about him to the police chief of the case they were on in an attempt to discredit him, he’d been forced to admit to what was going on.
Hotch had tried to be understanding, most of the team really had been. He could tell they were upset he’d not told them before. He’d tried to explain, but Abby was… Abby was the poster girl for everything that he thought he’d had, when it seemed in reality he’d had nothing. After that incident, he’d been forced to come come completely clean about everything that happened, and everything that she was doing to him.
Hotch had helped him get a restraining order. He’d even made sure it was permanent, and that it covered all forms of communication. Garcia had worked her magic to clean up the electronic mess she’d made of his life, and actively monitored his phone, and work and home computers to make sure there were no further attempts at communication. He knew he should have expected this. He hoped that the buttons he’d hit on his phone in his pants pocket had been Hotch or Rossi or Will LaMontagne. Unlike his wife. Will was actually decent to Tony, and had been incredibly empathetic about the whole situation. JJ’s response had been to suggest to Emily that he’d done something to deserve it. Of course Tony hadn’t supposed to have heard, or maybe he had. JJ was definitely a former Mean Girl.
A part of him was sad about what he was about to do, but the majority of him knew that it was time. This person in front of him wasn’t his friend, and never would be again. Unfortunately for her, there was enough anger built up in him that she was going to be treated to some Truths by DiNozzo. “I hate you, Abby.” Tony paused a moment after forcing those words out, wishing that someone would wake him up from the nightmare he was stuck in.
“I hate you because you made me believe in you. You made me trust you in ways that I’d only ever trusted one other human being. You made me trust you, and then you fucking betrayed that trust just for your own selfish purposes. You yammer on for hours about your nuns, and yet it seems you have learned nothing from them. I am so fucking disappointed in you, and I will never ever forgive you.
The crocodile tears had started to stream down her face. Tony was pretty sure that she wasn’t the only one crying, but hers were the only ones that were fake. “You can stand there crying your crocodile tears expecting me to feel sorry for you, or fall for your bullshit act, but it’s not going to happen. I am onto you.” When she screeched and stomped her foot, he knew he’d been right.
“If you want the complete truth, Ms. Sciuto, I don’t care anymore if your feelings are hurt or not. I don’t care if you’re upset that you’re losing your family. I don’t care if you are afraid of change. I just don’t care about you one little bit. You deserve all that is coming to you. Something has happened to you. Something is not right in your head. The Abby I used to know was a strong, amazingly loving, incredibly loyal person. The Abby that I used to know genuinely cared about others. You’ve stalked me. You hacked my credit report, and almost cost me my house. You embarrassed me while I was on a case trying to catch a fucking pedophile who was murdering his victims, and could have cost lives had the Police Chief decided to send us away. Hell, not even Gibbs wants to speak to you. That really should have been your reality check, but for some reason it wasn’t.
“You are losing your job, Abby. You’re probably going to be going to jail. You had everything you could possibly want, and you threw it away. You tossed my faith in you in the fucking trash can, and shit on it, and for what?? For a cold hearted killer who infiltrated our family so she could steal secrets and betray us? For the woman who MURDERED Kate. She may not have pulled the trigger, but she gave Ari all the fucking tools to do it. You’re going to have nothing. Gibbs has already told you he’s done with you. Ducky has washed his hands of you, and I am just here to say fuck you, Abby.”
Tony shook his head sadly. The sounds of sirens were faint in the distance, and he could only hope that they were coming to him. He wasn’t sure that he could do much more of this. Ziva had been hard enough, but Abby… Abby might as well be tearing his heart right out of his chest with this bullshit.
“I despise you. Of the three of you, I think that I hate you the most. You were supposed to be my best friend, my sister in every way that counts, but instead you are just another backstabbing bitch. Good luck with life. It’s really going to suck from here on out, and you’ve lost all your safety nets. That cold hard floor is gonna hurt like a bitch when you hit it. When you that time comes? Just remember I will be laughing my ass off.”
The a cop car and an unmarked vehicle pulled up from opposite directions. Tony was thankful that Will was the one to step out of the unmarked sedan. At Abby’s scream of outrage, Tony just snorted at her cluelessness. “I called Will the second I saw you when I was in my car, and report that you broke the restraining order you worthless, needy, attention hungry, bitch. Do you get it now?” Tony shook his head, then smiled faintly at Will who had come over to put a supporting hand on his shoulder. “You have nothing, and you have only yourself to blame. Goodbye, Abby, and don’t ever come near me again.”
~~*BAU Mid to Late December 2010*~~ * ~~*A Light in the Darkness*~~
“Would you consider a relationship with someone if sex with that person was off the table?”
The question had Tony out of his own head, and focused back on Spencer. He was seated in Gibbs’ diner with Spencer. It was their first official date. They had spent the day at the Smithsonian. Spencer had argued that Tony didn’t need to something so incredibly intellectual, until Tony informed him that he had a membership. When he also admitted that he was looking forward to listening to Spencer ramble all day, the younger man had been won over.
They’d spent their day alternating between their favorite exhibits, stopping only briefly to eat quickly at lunch, before diving back in. The diner had been a risk. First off, it wasn’t near the Smithsonian, so they’d had to take somewhat of a longer drive to get there, and second well… it was just a diner. It felt right to Tony though, so he’d gone with his impulse. He was glad he did. If the grin on his companion’s face, and the last 20 minutes of facts on diners in the United States was any indication.
“I’m sorry if I’m boring you,” Spencer said somewhat hesitantly, and Tony shook his head.
“You aren’t,” Tony denied frowning. “I was reflecting on how much fun I’ve had today. Sometimes my thoughts get away from me. My brain tends to focus on several things at once, and sometimes one of them just… takes over. Did you just ask if I’d have a relationship with someone without sex?”
Spencer fidgeted. “That depends on your answer?”
Tony huffed out a laugh, and studied the man for a few moments before smiling softly. “Dr. Reid,” Tony started teasingly, “I have loved every moment of today. Now is not the time to start holding back information on me. Tell me what you mean.”
Spencer tapped his fingers together as he worked up the nerve to go on. “Intelligence isn’t the only thing that I don’t really believe can be quantified. I mean certainly there are people who are 100% straight, or gay, but… I believe labels in sexuality just limit people. I don’t think one’s attractions can be so easily quantified. I also don’t think that someone’s lack of attractions can be easily quantified either.
“I suppose if I was forced to, say if someone held a gun to my head, which I have to tell you is no fun, I would accept the label of A-Sexual, but as I said I don’t think it’s really that easy. I believe everyone’s sexual preference and attraction and their sexual interest is personal. I just…”
Spencer trailed off momentarily pushing his hair out of his eyes, and taking a drink of his coffee watching Tony’s face. “Then why don’t you explain what Spencer Sexual is.”
Spencer bit his lip and forced himself to go on. “At the risk of sounding like Morgan, I realize that you are a highly sexual being. Some people are. I suppose the world would probably label you as Bisexual, but that probably isn’t a fair representation of how you feel. Labels are…”
“Spencer,” Tony interrupted before reaching out and taking his free hand. “Tell me about Spencer Sexual.”
“I don’t want to have sex. I mean… I am curious. Just once though maybe, as a purely exploratory exercise to make sure I am not wrong, although I don’t think that I am. Sex just… Sex just don’t interest me, which isn’t to mean that I don’t want intimacy or don’t want to be close to someone or don’t get lonely or…
“I want to be with someone I am attracted to, I just… I just want them to be more than pretty. I want them to be smart, and I want to feel comfortable in my skin around them. I want to be able to say… ramble all day about stupid random facts, and know that they aren’t getting irritated. I want to snuggle up under blankets when I don’t feel good and feel them laying with me. I want to be able to get lost in books, and know they won’t be mad. I want to… I want to watch the beauty of them… being with someone they care about… sort of? I mean… I want them to care about me too, and I want them to be with me forever, but…”
“You want a one-sided open relationship?” Tony suggested frowning, and Spencer sighed.
“Maybe? I mean as weird as it sounds, I think I would prefer that they had someone they… cared about? Just… I want them to care about me too. I mean… this is stupid. I’m messing this up.”
“No,” Tony immediately denied squeezing Spencer’s hand. “You are absolutely not messing this up. If I am understanding it’s not a one sided open relationship, more like… a three person relationship with two, two person sets. One being you and… me? Our relationship would be built on friendship, love, and non-sexual intimacy. The other relationship would be me and… someone else. That one would be… sexual in nature, but yet permanent too. Do you want to have any contact with this… other person I’d be… having sex with? Other than watching I mean. Don’t think I missed that, Dr. Reid.”
Spencer blushed, and silently blessed the arrival of the waitress as it gave him time to think. “Yes? I mean it would be nice if I and this other person could at least be friends. I don’t want you to feel like you’re being pulled in two. I know though that this is quite an unusual proposition I am asking…”
Tony chuckled softly. “I won’t lie. I never thought I would be having this conversation, but… to answer your question, Dr. Reid, yes. I could picture myself in that type of relationship.”
When Spencer looked up at him surprised, Tony expanded his thought. “Look, Spencer, it’s like this. I have been basically entertainment for people most of my life. My mother’s biggest use for me was watching movies with her, or entertaining her friends in various little outfits as they got drunk. In boarding school I learned that sports and being the clown would keep me from getting my ass kicked. As an adult I’ve mostly been useful to people by acting like an empty headed jock or clown or… making their toes curl as I fucked them into next week.”
Tony chuckles humorlessly. “I know how to be entertaining, Spencer. I know how to keep people amused. I know how to keep their minds off their troubles, by focusing on me either negatively or positively. What I don’t know? I don’t know what it’s like for someone else to want me NOT for my entertainment value.
“I won’t lie. I don’t just like sex, I love it. Could I give it up? Probably. Would it make me happy? Probably not. Do I know anyone who would be crazy enough to do this with us? Actually, maybe. Would I want to do this with you? Abso-fucking-lutely, Dr. Spencer Reid. I would be honored to let you just be you, and me be me, and well… let someone else be… themselves, and to do it all together.”
Tony smiles and squeezes Spencer’s hand once more. “So, to answer your question, yes. I would love to be in a relationship with you where we weren’t going to have sex except for maybe once to rule out any miscalculations on your part. We must be scientific about this after all.”
When Spencer grinned happily, Tony couldn’t help but laugh at the other man’s obvious joy. He wasn’t sure if this would work, but he really damned well hoped so. It would definitely be different though. He had to admit he was quite looking forward to it.
End Notes: I am sorry if some are not happy about or don’t understand Spencer’s sexuality in this. It won’t change though. I would highly recommend googling A-Sexuality or Grey-A sexuality if you have questions. Spencer is who Spencer is. I thank those that are curious and open minded and willing to keep going on with the story.