Please see the Main Page for Content Warnings, Characters, Relationships, Etc.
Chapter Note: This chapter mentions two made up mental disorders I created for Sentinel and Guides. Also, lots of angsting, and some questionable parenting decisions. (Neither Danny or Tony) TJ however continues to be cute.
Beta done by Rivermoon1970.
Chapter Summary: Danny is having what he calls a bad brain day. Kono steps in, and Mothers. Eventually, Danny & Tony’s story comes out.
Chapter Two: Finding Your Other Half
Danny took a calm steadying breath as he poked at Chin’s computer table. He wasn’t the most technologically experienced person in the office. That would be Chin with his cousin Kono running a close second. He knew enough, though he could get the information he wanted. Usually without screwing up the highly advanced piece of equipment too much. Something was chewing at his gut though, and it was interfering with his concentration.
He hated when he got like this. Bad brain days, he labeled them. Days when the anxiety and worry chewed through the linings of his stomach, usually without telling him why. It left him to worry over everything from the bills the postman would bring in the mail to whether or not Gracie was mad at him because she called him five minutes late before she left for school. Was Rachel trying to keep her from him, and Gracie had to sneak the call? Was there going to be some huge unexpected bill, or maybe bad news from home that his mother couldn’t bear to say over the phone?
His brain swirled in circles until he just wanted to fold himself up into a ball and just cry hysterically. His senses of course were acting up as a result of the anxiety. They always seemed to work hand in hand. Some would dip too low, and he couldn’t get them to raise. Some would raise slightly too high, and he couldn’t get them to lower. He knew that was why Kono was hovering, but bless her heart she was trying to give him space.
Guide Kono Kalakaua was the bonded partner to one Lieutenant Commander Steven J McGarrett. They’d been together less than six months, having met on a beach when Chin took them to meet her when they needed a female undercover operative. She was sweet and fierce and incredibly green. Way too green to be paired up with their way too fearless leader. Nothing good would come of unleashing McGarrett and poor inexperienced Kono on the island. Because of that their normal partner pairings didn’t conform to the typical Sentinel and Guide couplings.
Of course, thinking about guides made his brain swerve to his own guide, whom he hadn’t seen in nearly thirty years. His anxiety spiked so bad that Danny was forced to stop, curling his hands around the edges of the table, as he fought for breath. He needed to calm down. He needed to breathe. He needed…
“Danny? C’mon, you aren’t gonna get anything done there right now. Let’s go sit in your office and talk, huh? You can finish off your masaladas. I won’t even tell Steve and Gracie on you. Tell me what has you so worked up today, brah.”
Resigned to the upcoming talk, knowing their little mother hen was not letting him out of it, Danny allowed himself to be pulled to his office. Moving around her he moved to sit behind his desk where she wouldn’t so easily be able to do the touchy feely shit. Not that Danny didn’t like touchy feely. The Williams family as a whole were a very tactile people. Danny had never done his ancestry, but he was sure there must be Italians in there somewhere.
Moments like this though? Times when all he wanted was his guide curled around him like a safe warm blanket, he couldn’t bear to be touched by anyone else. Someone on the team needed to understand though. Someone needed to, because it wasn’t going away. Even if a miracle happened, and the fates brought Tony back to him it wasn’t going to change. He was too damaged.
When Sonny popped up, letting out an anxious whine, Danny smiled holding out his hand to the big animal. Sonny was a full grown brown grizzly bear, and liked to hang out in the offices. He’d arranged his office so the big animal could get around when he was having one of his almost completely solid moments without knocking shit over. When Sonny laid his head on Danny’s lap, the blonde let out a small sigh wrapping his hands around the big animal’s head.
Of course Kono’s seal Sophia loved interacting with the other spirit guides in the office, and popped up. After sniffing at her companion, Sophia made her way to Danny where she curled up under his desk laying her head beside Sonny’s.
“I have Bond Separation Related Anxiety. At this point it is a permanent condition. Even if I should ever find him again, I won’t get rid of the anxiety. I’m too damaged. Some days are almost fine, and others like today are near torture. I know I seem grumpy and angry all of the time, and I suppose part of that is just my nature. Even before, all of this, I was never the happy-go-lucky carefree kid like my Gracie is, thank the Gods. After things happened though…” Danny just shrugged stroking both animal’s heads.
Danny looked up, and knew Kono was going to pop any second now. “How could someone leave you like that!? Is it a guy or a girl? What’s their name? We’ll find them, Danno! They can’t get away with this! How could they just abandon you?” The verbal word vomit only stopped, when Sonny lifted his big head and roared his displeasure. Kono stopped speaking, and looked at the bear wide eyed. Sophia sensed the unhappiness in her guide friend and let out some unhappy barks at her companion. Of course she didn’t know what she was barking about, but if Sonny was mad it must not be good.
Danny smiled weakly at Kono, and tried to soothe the spirit guides. “Hey, c’mon now guys. She didn’t know, huh? Let’s give Kono some slack. Kono, I appreciate the passion, but he, my guide is a he, didn’t do anything wrong.”
Danny took a deep breath as the anxiety crashed over him again, and closed his eyes trying to picture those hazel laughing eyes he’d loved so much. Sometimes just the thought of them would help a little. After he felt the wave move on, Danny found the bag of masaladas and took one out and ate it before continuing.
“I met Tony when I was eight years old. We both were at the same summer camp. It was my fourth year having started going when I was five. It was Tony’s first time there though. His mother had just died a few months earlier, and his rich asshole father didn’t want to be bothered with his sniveling brat. Before you ask, yes that is what he told Tony directly. Tony and I took one look at each other and just… clicked. Tony was the best friend I had always wanted. We were literally inseparable. I knew that I was a sentinel, and I knew that Tony was my guide.”
“That’s awesome, Danny,” Kono offered smiling and looking a little awed. “I have only ever heard of something like that happening. I mean, I knew it was possible… that’s why there’s laws to protect children who claim pre-bonds, but I’ve never actually met someone who had one. How did… I don’t understand how you don’t have him with you though. I mean, those laws are pretty clear.”
“Those laws are also less than twenty years old, Kono,” Danny pointed out curling his fingers into Sonny’s fur. Sophia had moved back to her own human, giving her forgiveness now that she was listening. “Back then people just… Well they didn’t think kids could possibly know such things. They thought that we were making things up. When the end of camp came and it was time for our parents to pick us up, well it didn’t go well.”
Danny sighed eating another of the fried dough, as he remembered that day. When he spoke his voice was softer, and filled with incredible sadness. “I remember screaming and crying and begging my mom to let Tony come with us. I knew his dad didn’t want him. Tony had made that clear. Tony was… well he was hysterical. His father was cold, and frankly didn’t seem to give a shit that his already vulnerable son was being traumatized further. We were both a mess. I remember watching his father’s car driving away, and running after it as I screamed and bawled. I just knew that I was losing my guide forever.
“When we got home…. My parents thought it would just go away in a couple of weeks. They chalked it up to childhood fantasy. I tried to tell them that he was my guide, but they just laughed and patted my head. I knew they didn’t believe me. I knew that there was no way Senior would believe Tony. Senior hated Tony. T told me that his dad was sending him to a boarding school as soon as the school year started because he wanted him out of his sight.”
Danny shook his head angrily. Even after all the years that had passed, Danny still loathed Tony’s dad. “They wouldn’t let me contact him because they said that it would just make it worse. They hadn’t liked Tony’s dad, and somehow that made Tony an unsuitable friend. They just… they acted like I was being foolish and it would all just… go away.”
Danny snorted shoving another ball into his mouth, chewing violently. “The problem was that it didn’t go away. I was depressed. I wouldn’t come out of my room. I got clingy, anxious, and I couldn’t stop worrying about… well about everything. Eventually they took me to a doctor who sent me to another doctor. When that one didn’t help we’d start all over. It wasn’t until I was starting college that the science and medical people caught up to what I had already known. I had formed a platonic pre-bond with my guide who I met when I was a child.
“The separation caused damage to me, and probably both of us. I have what they now call Bond Separation Related Anxiety. The doctor said Tony most likely has some kind of irreparable issue himself. The most likely is Bond Separation Related Detachment Disorder. That means that he most likely has problems being himself. He probably keeps like… masks or a façade hiding who he really is. Not intentionally, but because he can’t help it. If I do find him most likely he’ll always be clingier than normal and any kind of lengthened separation will cause problems for us both.”
Danny paused to take another breath, as grief and anger washed over him. He hated this all so much. “So, basically if I do find him we’ll literally never be able to be apart again. I mean, we’ll have to have the same job, same office space. We’ll go to eat together. We’ll run to the freaking bathroom together. Had our separation not been so long then it could have eventually healed itself, but the new studies show that any separation over 5 years causes irreparable damage. At this point though, I don’t even care. I just… I fucking miss him Kono. I miss him, and I can’t fucking get him back.”
Danny wiped off his face to remove the tears that had started falling. “Every fucking day it hurts. I can’t… I don’t have enough information on him to do a search. It was thirty fucking years ago this summer. I suppose back then I knew his full name, but I don’t remember it now. I know his initials were something funny and he was a junior, but that is all. I had his address at one time, but my fucking parents threw it away. I have tried looking. The S&G center has tried looking. There just isn’t enough information left anymore to go on to fucking get him back.”
Sonny wrapped Danny up in his paws, as his human cried. Danny could see Kono stand, but fortunately Sophia blocked her way barking unhappily at her. When he’d managed to calm himself down again, Danny wiped off his face once more. “I don’t… when it gets bad like this I don’t like to be touched by people who aren’t him or have a connection to him. Since I don’t have him or any connections to him, I just… I don’t…”
Fortunately Kono nodded quietly sitting back on the couch. Danny could see her need to fix this somehow. It was written all over her face. Unfortunately for Danny, there was no way to fix it. “Danny,” she breathed helplessly, and Danny nodded understanding.
“I know, Kono. I appreciate the… I appreciate your understanding and sympathy.”
“Is that why… I know you told me once that things between you and your family is strained.” Kono asked hesitantly, and Danny nodded shortly.
“Yes, I just… I was never able to fully forgive them. Had they done anything different I wouldn’t be in this position right now. Had they listened to me, had they not thrown away that paper, had they just… They’re my parents. They should have fucking recognized I was serious and listened. I wasn’t some kid trying to get attention.
“My life was being torn away from me, and all they could do is pat my head and laugh. I don’t think that they are bad people. Just the opposite in fact. I think basically my parents are good people, but they just… they failed me on such an epic level that I just don’t know how I am supposed to just pretend that it never happened. Hence why sometimes I am angry for no reason, and why I am so… particular about certain things.”
“Like Gracie,” Kono offered softly. She now understood so much about this haole they’d always just treated like he was crazy. It shamed her.
They all acted like Danny was just some angry little man and he should get over it. In reality he was broken and brave, damaged and a fighter, betrayed and one of the best father’s that she’d ever seen in her life. They could learn things from this man, who determinedly kept going every day, even though he had no hope that his pain would end, and previously had no one around him to offer the support that he not only needed but deserved. Well, after today that bullshit was ending, even if she had to kick the asses of the entire population of Hawaii.
“Like Gracie,” Danny confirmed. “I will always believe my daughter, no matter how outrageous it seems. I would rather believe her tales of pink bunny ballerina’s that danced in her bedroom, and be proven wrong, than laugh at her and find out she was telling the truth. One causes no real harm, but the other can cause damage that can’t be corrected.”
Kono was about to reply when her phone beeped. Pulling the cell out of her pocket, Kono flipped to the text messages, and read it before relaying the information to Danny. “That was Chin. I guess they are on their way up. Apparently when they went to John’s grave an old friend of Steve’s was there paying his respects. Boss is bringing him and his son up to introduce them, then we get a team day at Boss’ house!”
Danny nodded shortly wanting to argue that they had work to do, but to be honest he didn’t care right at that moment. His anxiety had given him a headache, and his heart hurt so badly. He just wanted to stop thinking. He knew a day with his weird friends on Steve’s beach would at least distract him with something else to bitch about.
“Hey! Where are you two? Come out here. I have someone for you to meet!”
Danny grumbled about his impatient bellowing partner, but obliged as Kono giggled at him hurrying out to her sentinel. There was a ping of something familiar in the air, but he didn’t notice it. His brain was too busy providing him with all the ways this new friend of Steve’s could hate him.
The last thing he’d expected was to walk out into the main area, and see an older version of the face he’d seen in his dreams every night since the summer of his eighth birthday. The platonic connection between them snapped into place, as his sentinel sang at the return of his guide.
Danny’s knees weakened, and he would have fallen if Sonny hadn’t moved behind him leaving Danny to sit on his bear like some kind of ottoman. It seemed that his guide was as shocked as he was, because it was only Steve’s quick movement that caught him before he himself hit the floor. “Danny?” He heard before he saw his guide pulling himself out of Steve’s grasp.
Quickly, Danny stood, and before he knew it he was wrapped up in the best hug that he’d ever received in his life. He could feel the warmth and love of his guide surround him, and the bond so weakened by all the years apart already beginning to strengthen. “Tony,” Danny half whimpered, half sobbed.
His senses, which had been difficult earlier, balanced out on their own, or maybe because of Tony’s presence. Danny didn’t really know or care. He could hear Kono trying to explain to a confused Steve. At the same time she seemed to be demanding to know how her sentinel had found Danny’s guide, which only caused more confusion because Steve had no clue what she was talking about.
None of that mattered though, and Danny let that fall into the background as he relished the fact that his guide was back. “Tony, I need to… I just… I just need to…”
“Sentinel,” Tony breathed in awe tightening his arms around the smaller man. “Do what you need. Jesus, Danny do whatever you need to make sure they can’t take you away again.”
A louder more obvious sob was ripped from Danny’s throat as he nosed at his guide’s throat inhaling deeply. He knew that he should move this to his office, but couldn’t be bothered to move. Somewhere he heard Chin ushering Kono and Steve as well as someone named TJ into the SEAL’s office, and then heard explanations begin. Again though, he just didn’t care, and left the bonded pair in Chin’s capable hands focusing all of his attention on Tony. He made a mental note to figure out who this TJ person was, but wasn’t even close to caring in that second.
His hands pushed at Tony’s shirt, and growled frustrated when his guide fought him. “Danny, no naked. We can’t get naked here. My son is in the other room. Kiss, you can do taste with kiss.”
The word son though worked to bring Danny back to reality. With difficulty, Danny pulled back to look at his guide suddenly worried. “Son? Are you…”
“Yes, son. No wife. No girlfriend. Just a son, Danny.” Tony reassured. “Now seriously, sentinel, fucking kiss me already.”
Growling, Danny lunged forward capturing Tony’s mouth with his own. His hands still made their way under Tony’s shirt, but seemed to be content to wander over Tony’s lower back. One of them was making little noises, and Danny didn’t really care which of them it was, or if it was them both. Angling his head, and getting up on his tiptoes to reach, Danny pushed closer tangling his tongue with Tony’s wishing there was nothing but skin between them.
When Tony pulled back gasping for breath, Danny just growled and moved his attention to the guide’s neck. He was leaving a mark that no one would be able to dispute. Never again would someone be taking his guide from him. As he sucked and licked and bit at the spot he’d chosen as his own, he could hear Tony talking to him. He seemed to be speaking a mixture of English and Italian. It was something that he’d done when he was excited or upset when they were kids. The sound was music to Danny’s ears. It was more beautiful than any Bon Jovi or Frank Sinatra song in the history of music.
Eventually though his sentinel was satisfied, if only until he could get his guide alone, and finish this shit. There would be naked monkey sex. Taking a deep breath, Danny looked up at his guide, and then frowned. Was he doomed to be surrounded by tall people? “I hate you. We started out the same height. You turned into Cary Grant, and I turned into a hobbit. How is this fair?”
Tony laughed and wrapped his arms around his sentinel. “I missed you, too.”
Hearing a child’s excited chatter, Danny turned his head to see a little boy watching them from his spot behind Steve’s desk. “Is that…?”
Tony nodded, and after getting visual approval from his sentinel, motioned his son to join them. Danny grinned when the little boy wasted no time, and hopped up onto Steve’s desk running across it, and jumping off the front. The small blonde headed boy ran out of the office and attached himself to his father’s leg eyeing Danny suspiciously. “Papà, Papà! Is this him? Is this your sentnal?”
Danny lifted an eyebrow at Tony, who just smiled and blushed faintly. “TJ this is papà’s sentinel and friend Danny. Danny, this is my son Tristan Jordan or TJ for short.”
TJ scooted around his papà and held out his hand. “It very nice meet you, Sentnal Dany.”
Danny couldn’t help but grin. This boy was the spitting image of the friend he’d met all those years ago. “It is very nice to meet you also, TJ.”
Seeming to be done with the niceties, TJ looked up at his father with a serious expression on his little face. “Papà, you sayd beash. There no beash here. Can go to beash now? Unko Stebe say him take me sit on him surfboard!”
Tony smiled and picked up his son, putting him on his hip. The small boy wrapped his arms around his father happy with his new position. “Well then, I think it’s time to get our beach on! Let’s go surf!”
Tony took off running, and Danny rolled his eyes following. “Hey! Goofball! Do you have any idea where you are going? Tony? Hey!”