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“Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime, and should be taken in small doses.” – Russell Baker
Morgan laid on his bed in his hotel room staring up at the ceiling. He was trying to come up with answers to questions he wasn’t sure he even knew yet. If it was almost completely silent, the air conditioner making the only sound, he wouldn’t have heard the quiet knock on his door.
Getting up he made his way to the door frowning when he saw Reid through the peep hole. He was the last person Derek expected to show up at his door. “Derek, please open up.” Reid called from the other side of the door. “I just… please. Derek, please?”
Derek heard the tremor in Spencer’s voice and opened the door quickly his heart clenching at the sight of the man on the other side. “I just wanted to help.” He finally said as he stepped aside letting Reid in.
He watched Reid walk in stopping in the center where he turned to study his friend. “I just don’t want you to hate me.” Spencer responded in an almost whisper.
“Spencer, Jesus,” Derek moved to the bed sinking down on the end. “I don’t hate you. I don’t even think I could. You… hell Spencer sometimes you intimidate me.”
Spencer gaped at him. “You… you’re… What? Derek are you high?”
Derek snorted softly smiling at the obviously dumbfounded man. “You’re big brain. People look at you and dismiss you almost immediately, but you don’t care. You out think them and use their arrogance and their dismissal against them. You have all this knowledge stored up there, and I got… what? You remember that unsub in that kidnapping for the US District attorney’s daughter? He said I was a token trumped up piece of beef.”
Spencer frowns remembering the case. “Derek that guy was a psychopath! He was obsessed with those girls. You helped us with figuring him out! You’ve helped a lot of other people after that. What about that… lady with the bomb under her seat in her car? And you refused to leave? I’m not intimidating to anyone. You could like… kill me in my sleep and I probably wouldn’t notice.”
Derek’s lips twitched as he studied Spencer as the other man continued. “Girls fall at your feet, and the guys are as bad! I know most people don’t notice because it’s not as obvious. I could walk into a room naked and the only people who would notice would be the ones that run out screaming for their lives!”
“I wouldn’t,” Derek spoke finally studying the carpet. “Maybe you aren’t the only one with a crush.”
Spencer blinked stunned into silence. “You… I… Derek you don’t like guys!”
Derek snorted and smiled shaking his head then quirked an eyebrow looking up at the smaller man. “Really, Reid? That’s good to know, ‘Cause all this time I been thinkin’ I’m bi.”
“But,” Reid sputtered and Derek crossed his arms watching him affectionately. Maybe it was twisted, but he loved this side of him this part where his reasoning and logic didn’t match up with reality and he flailed around like a fish out of water looking for where he missed the boat. He could almost sit back and watch Reid’s brain working. “You’re Bi?”
Slowly Derek nodded smiling still, watching the man with affection still. Somehow in the last couple moments all the answers to all the questions he didn’t know either came to him or were discarded as irrelevant in his mind leaving an unusual sense of peace behind. What did why’s and how’s matter when he had the proof in front of him? “I’m bi. Spencer. I’ve never had the courage to be with a man before though. Guess I’ve always let what happened come between me and my curiosity up until now.”
Frowning Spencer studied the carpet a small frown still on his face. “I suppose it doesn’t hurt that I’m like the least imposing person in the universe.”
Shaking his head Derek wondered how long it’d take him to work on this view Reid had of himself so that it was brought to be at least close to the reality of the man. “No Reid, what doesn’t hurt is that you’re my friend, and I trust you. I know you would never take advantage of me. I know you understand my life. I know I can trust you with my family, and my secrets. What doesn’t hurt is that I know you wouldn’t push me or rush me, that you’d let things happen on my time frame. I know that somehow you’d understand when logically you just shouldn’t be able to.”
Derek shrugged watching his friend. “I trust you Reid. And, if you can get past all this that’s happened in the last couple days I’d… well, I think I’d like a chance to see what could come of this.”
Nervously Derek watched Spencer’s face and didn’t relax until he saw the anxiety melt into a shy smile as the other man nodded. “I’d like that, Derek. And just so you know we’ll have all the time in the world. I mean I’ve had… a few relationships, but not a ton so…” Spencer shrugs radiating happiness. “I don’t mind waiting on you, Derek. I never thought I could get a chance like this, so I figure that it’s worth making sure it’s done right.”
Sighing relieved Derek nodded and stood moving to Reid’s side where he carefully pulled the other man into his arms. It felt good, better than anything before, having Reid there in his arms. He felt like for the first time he wasn’t hiding behind something, like was finally out in the open for someone to see. He knew it should scare him and maybe later it would. But for now it was just nice not to have to hide in the dark anymore.