Title: Ask Me to Stay
Fandom: NCIS: Los Angeles
Characters: Marty Deeks, G Callen, Hetty Lange
Content: Non-Cannon Compliant: NCIS: LA, Angsty Schmoop, Abandonment Issues
Note: I have NO CLUE where this came from. I was reading some songfic drabbles by basket-ofposies on Livejournal and this came out. Somewhat VERY loosely inspired by Angel’s Son by Sevendust.
Summary: He couldn’t let him leave. Not before he’d even had a chance.
Ask Me to Stay
He couldn’t let him leave.
Standing there in the middle of the office, Sam somewhere in the background yelling at Hetty, Kensi hovering behind his shoulder, Granger lurking in the shadows somewhere, Eric and Nell staring down from upstairs wide eyed and just barely not touching. He couldn’t let him leave. It didn’t matter if he was just some LAPD detective. It didn’t matter that SAM was his partner, and wasn’t making a move to stop this other than to yell at Hetty. He just simply couldn’t let this happen.
Without giving himself time to think, he took off his gun and LAPD badge and gave them to a stunned Kensi, and sprinted out of the office taking advantage of her momentary confusion, ignoring the sound of Hetty’s voice calling after him. Swerving through traffic, running through the airport, knocking into people until he finally found his target, he didn’t even realize how panicked he’d been ‘til he was standing in front of him. “You can’t leave.”
Two pair of blue eyes meeting, one eyebrow arching, head swiveling around to see if he was alone before turning back to him, he saw the defeat, the resignation, the seemingly impenetrable walls between them, but damnit if he was determined not to lose this time. He knew his place on the team, he accepted his status as goof, he lived with the fact that Sam meant more to him than he ever would. But today, in this hour, at this second it didn’t matter. He wasn’t going to let him leave.
It didn’t matter what everyone else did. If anyone on the team understood what was going on here, it was him. If anyone understood abandonment, fear, the surety that you would never find a place in the world that was only yours, if anyone understood the man he was looking at, it was him.
“You can’t leave.” He repeated only to get a sigh in return.
“Deeks…” Callen started, only to be cut off.
“NO!” Marty shouted angrily, eyes blazing with clear panic, heart torn with the hurt of losing yet again, of not being good enough yet again, soul pleading with him to find a way. “I can’t lose you, too.”
“I know I’m not all… hot and badass like Sam. I know I’m not the one who mothers everyone like Kensi. I know I don’t have the bond with you like Hetty, but I need you. I need you not to leave. I need you to stay and… and just… Callen I just need you to…”
“To what?” came the quiet reply, trying to hide behind that cloak of invincibility he used to pretend nothing could touch him. He couldn’t hide though, Callen couldn’t hide that momentary blip, that tiny not even hair wide crack in the armor letting the hope and the desperate need shine though. “What is it you need me to do, Deeks?”
“I need you to stay, stay so I can tell you I love you. Stay so I can show you running isn’t always the answer. Stay so I can show you that sometimes settling down is the safest thing to do. Letting people in isn’t always bad. Just… I need you to stay Callen. I need you not to throw us away, not to throw me away, not to throw us away before we have a chance to even be us.”
“It’s time,” Callen whispered shaking his head looking around the airport, only to be drawn back to Deeks, drawn back to the emotion there that he’d never seen pointed at him before.
“Then take me with you.” Deeks shot back stubbornly. “Take me with you. Show me your world. Let me watch your back. Teach me to keep you safe. Let me be there when you need someone, and when you don’t think you need someone. If you can’t stay, then take me with you.”
Surprised eyes searched his. “This is your home, Deeks. I don’t… why? Why are you here? I don’t….”
“Just because everyone else is willing to let you just… slip away because you’re supposed to be like… damaged and fragile and… shit I don’t know what. Just because they’re willing to do it, doesn’t mean I am. STAY! Please, I’m asking you to stay. Gimmie a chance. Lemmie… lemmie love you. Lemmie… take you to dinner, and dancing and… I wanna fight over football or basketball. I wanna argue about who left the milk on the counter to spoil when we left the house in the morning. I wanna suffer through all the crap our partners will give us for our big gay love. I wanna be scared shitless when Hetty gives me the ‘what are your intentions toward my son’ talk.”
Lips quirked and the laugh couldn’t be contained. “Deeks, you do realize, Hetty is not my mother right?” Deeks snorted and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms, and pouted. “Dude, please.” After sighing he got serious again, letting all of his own walls down showing everything that was in his heart. “Just stay, Callen, please? We’ll find a way. Just… maybe this time it’s time for you to stay. Can’t you just… can’t you just stay?”
Blue eyes looked away once more before coming back to the younger man in front of him. “Promise? Promise you mean it?”
“Swear,” Marty replied crossing his chest. “I swear on… on Sam’s abs.”
A shout of laughter came again and then the two men were wrapped up around each other. “Jesus, my life will never be boring that’s for sure.” Callen observed, letting Deeks pull away, and tug him toward the exit stubbornly. “I am never gonna hear the end of it from Sam.”
Standing in front of Hetty’s desk, the two men fidgeted, holding hands half in defiance, half in desperate hope of strength, waiting for her to respond. Somewhere in the background Sam and Kensi were lurking trying to look like they weren’t, both trying to figure out what was going on. Granger was again lurking in the shadows trying not to look as if he was in pain. Deeks had no idea where the wonder twins were, but he had half a suspicion they were trying to tap into Hetty’s phone or computer so they could eavesdrop.
In the end, Hetty just nodded, and picked up her phone to fill in the director. Technically since Deeks still worked for the LAPD the rules didn’t really apply to them. Facing Sam and Kensi may have been harder than Hetty and Granger, but they’d agreed on the way back that if they were gonna do this, they were gonna be honest with their team. Deeks wouldn’t force Callen to lie about this, not when most of the rest of his life was one big lie on top of another.
Later that night, they settled on Callen’s couch and stared at each other for a while until Deeks rolled his eyes and snuggled up to Callen until the older man relaxed and went with it. “You need a TV.” Deeks pointed out and didn’t have to look to see Callen rolling his eyes. “You need… furniture. Seriously dude, how long have you been here?”
Callen mock sighed, glad Deeks was turned away from him so he couldn’t see him smile. “Guess we’ll just have to move your shit in then.” Deeks nodded and settled down more letting his eyes drift shut, not quite asleep yet when Callen kissed his temple and whispered not knowing his new partner wasn’t yet asleep.
“Thank you for asking me to stay.”