LiL – Prologue: The Letter


Banner by DarkJediQueen

See Master Post for Summary and Story Information including warnings.

Prologue: The Letter

My Dearest Son,


I am so sorry for what I have done. I pray that someday you can forgive me for the actions of a lonely desperate woman. In my heart, though, I know if I were in your shoes no such forgiveness would be granted. My only excuse is that before you were even mine I loved you beyond all reason. I only wish that I had shown you the level of affection that you deserved. Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

Your birth name is Daniel, and you have an older brother James Edward who adores you. The look on his face when he discovered that he would not be coming to America will haunt me to my upcoming grave. I was there the day that you were born, and I saw the excitement on his face when he heard that you were partly his. In fact, it was he that named you. I watched as he dotted on you and made you the center of his world.

I know that I should have taken him in too or left you behind. The man you call father, Anthony DiNozzo, wanted nothing of a child born of another man whose personality was already set, though. That should have set off the warning bells in my head, but I wanted you too much to listen to reason. Without Anthony, I would not have been able to get you, and it never occurred to me that possibly leaving you in another’s care with your flesh and blood sibling might be for the best.

James’ mother, your true mother, Monique was my best friend. She was so excited about your arrival. Her death devastated me, and as much as I wanted you, I wanted a piece of her with me for the rest of my life, also. I am ashamed to say that no one else’s welfare came to my mind.

When your parents died, James clung to you endlessly for days. When he found out that Anthony and I were going to America, he lifted his little chin and said that things would work out. When he found out that he wasn’t coming, he cried and begged and pleaded. The sound of his cries haunts my dreams.

I won’t be alive on the day that you receive this letter. I am too cowardly for that and have ensured I will be long gone before you hear the truth. The doctors have not given me much longer to live, and I no longer have the will to continue. My greatest sin will be having drug you away from someone who worshipped you, only to give up when you need me the most. I simply have no will to remain with the monster who calls himself your father.

I regret the life that I have brought you into. I regret many things. Please know always that my only desire was to love you, and I have done so and will do so until my last dying breath and beyond. I wish I had the fire and the passion that I see in your eyes. You remind me so of your mother, which is fitting because I always believed your brother to be a miniature version of your father Andrew.

Along with this letter, the solicitor will also be paperwork on your dual citizenship. It is something I have no doubt that Anthony will never mention to you, and I have thus far been too cowardly to bring up. Unfortunately, by the time you receive this, any information I had on your brother will be long since made obsolete. Take this letter to my brother George. He will know what to do next if you do not have the resources yourself.

I pray that you survive long enough to get this. I have done my best to ensure that the monster Anthony DiNozzo knows nothing about this communication or the money that comes with it. The only good thing I might have done in this whole situation may be to make sure that, that bastard never knows of any of the money I received from your mother.

I can only hope that you do not fall in footsteps of that monster I married, but instead, you become your own man. Live, love, and more than anything seek out the man that I tore you from. I know in my heart that he will continue to love you long beyond my death.

Please, my son, I pray that someday you will find a place in your heart to forgive me for the things that I did. Think kindly of me if you can, and if not, remember that while I might have been selfish I only wished to love you. That at least I have done. For the time that I was able to call you mine, I loved you as much as I was able. I just wish I had the strength to love you as much as you deserved.

 I will love you always.

Your Mother in my heart,

Claire Paddington-DiNozzo

Taking a deep breath, Tony put the letter back into his computer bag, along with the letter from his Uncle Clive’s estate executor. He had no idea what to think of the woman that he’d always called mother. While she’d spent a great majority of his time with her inebriated, she at least always made him feel loved. Reading the letter had just been another blow in a long line of devastation at the hands of the people who’d called themselves his parents.

Hearing his flight called, Tony stood and flung two bags over his shoulder. Looking down, he smiled at the blond headed, blue-eyed boy who was the joy of his life.

“Papà is it time to get on the plane and go across the water?”

Smiling softly, he nodded and took the child’s hand.  “Yes, TJ. It’s time to go and find your Uncle James and papa’s friend Al and leave this country behind.”

Determined the two walked toward the gate. Tony felt no doubt at all about abandoning all that lay in tatters behind him. They’d made their beds. He no longer cared enough to even be upset. It simply was what it was.

The last legal action he’d done before leaving the country was to change his name and leave Anthony DiNozzo Jr. behind. Abby and Ziva could just have the old and washed up conman if they wanted him so badly. From now on he was Anthony Daniel Bond, and his son Tristan James Bond. Never would that disgrace of a man have influence over his life again.

End Note: I write fanfiction for fun. It’s a hobby and a stress relief. I refuse to stress over my writing. What you see is what you get. Errors, plot holes, and all. Thank you for reading my story!

Go to the Master Post

Go to Chapter One

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s